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thursday

well i ain't posted for a few days my sleeps been pretty "normal" if you put normal to the average joe that ain't on night shifts :)

                                                I just wan't to write about hypofocus!
                                      

i'm experancing what is known as hyperfoucus in the ASD but not on the same scale so the medical term for it would not even be called hyperfocus this what i experiance in "zones" would be deemed as hypofocus! ;D

but i cant even explain this to folks with ADHD as they think it is all types of things ranging as what I would call a normal zone, to innattention?

i read a good book about ADHD it was called i'm not stupid lazy or crazy!!!

this book really spoke to me! and i can empathise with others that there is zones of inattention i have them myself basically confusion, misunderstanding, misinterpratation,
i did have some foresight and show a video of recollision of a phone book from the rainman film but it showed the toothpick incident i did explain that it was not the toothpick i was showing them.
and some take things in better via visual discriptions!
some would claim this is hyperfocus?
some with ADHD would not be able to read text or even comprehend what you are even writting, others would not get this zone as they have never experanced it!
i can't really say i have properly experianced hyperactivity in the true sense of the word! folks may mop there floor, do the dishes, and bung a load in the wash remember it's there chuck it in the dryer and not forget about it to go smelly! this is what i put down to a normal "zone" a little window of oppertunity to get things done!
hyperactivity is judged by the common or garden man so as the common man would work until say 5:30 plonk his arse on the sofa knackered my have a kip may chill out and watch some telly wind down chill out!
the hyperactive model would finish work and be up for a rave!

i here discriptions of ADHD like it's a constant noise in you're head i do not get this anralargy?

i don't hear no noise in my head?

i just live in zones i can't dictate if i could choose the zone i would have no problem but it ain't up to me :(

i know my zones!

the thing is books are published these books are not wrote by adhd'ers (even though some claim they are) they are written by people that want to cash in on selling a concept?

an ADHD'er-
 can be a top student in class!
can pass exams!
can go to uni!
can get a degree!

totally unmedicated

but is this type of ADHD'er in the same hypofocus realm i experance in "zones"?

what i'm talking about is the ability to store and recall like when i'm in the zone i could either take in information or spout out information like i was an egghead! :)

or having a conversation be wax lyrical coherant multi task take in what people are saying.

not going eeeeeerrrrrrrrmmmm nah it's gone.

there is no key to ADHD it does not speak with a universal voice and this causes confusion.

then this will cause stupid petty and needless squabbles?

then you get people saying this means this, that means that throw up a load of links and crap information!

but nothings going to change the core symptoms of my ADHD well maybe drugs but i will approch that with an open mind?

ok thats what the man in the white jacket say's?

so what do you say..........?

ADHD inattentive type has no logic things don't compute

so instead of working this out it is a nodding dog scenario! or as i'm in wales sheep if you like! or the domino effect what ever you wan't to call it?

monday

sleep 21-00 - 03-30 hr

i got a busy day today firstly i must pic up my perscription!

then try and sort an appointment with a vets! i should really book myself into the vets they may be able to diagnose me :D

sunday the 14th

my blog dates are all over the place i've only just noticed the times don't tally and i ain't a day forwards so i hope i've sorted it :)
i've had over 12 hours sleep nothing is getting done and i forgot to put the wheelie bin out and my bin is full but i'm sure my general waste bin gets empty'd this week?
but i'm not sure what day?
i've only lived here for years :D

the probation service letter

the probation service hold information that is key to helping me get a proper diagnosis will they part with this information? well thats up to them if they want me back on an order that can be arranged easy just by breaching the data protection act they made me sign. llllloooooooooooooolllll :D

saturday

Senior doctorsThe terms 'senior' and 'junior' in the medical profession indicate whether or not the doctor concerned is still in training. Senior doctors have many titles. The two most familiar are consultant and GP. There are others, however, including: staff doctors, specialty doctor, associate specialist, trust doctor, hospital practitioner, clinical assistant and clinical medical officer. These other titles are often grouped together and called staff and associate specialists ('SAS' doctors).


Consultants and general practitioners are allowed to practise independently (ie without supervision), and are considered to be fully trained, although all doctors are required to pursue continuing professional development (CPD) throughout their careers. Before a doctor can become a consultant or general practitioner they need to be listed on the GMC's specialist register for hospital and other specialists, or the GP register for GPs. Consultants are responsible for the education and supervision of junior doctors, and for the supervision of SAS doctors.

SAS doctors are an experienced group of hospital doctors who have spent some time as junior doctors but most of them have not completed all of the specialist training in the UK needed to be registered on the GMC's specialist register. Some SAS doctors do however achieve specialist registration by having their qualifications and experience assessed by the PMETB, and for personal reasons remain practising as SAS doctors rather than taking up consultant posts.
Academic doctorsAcademic or clinical academic doctors teach or conduct research at universities. In many cases, academic doctors combine their academic work with practice as clinicians. Academic doctors are responsible for teaching new generations of doctors and undertaking research in order to take forward the science of medicine. Common job titles for academic doctors are: clinical academic fellow, clinical lecturer, clinical research fellow, lecturer, senior lecturer, professor or reader. Academics who are professors, readers or senior lecturers will normally have a clinical contract at a hospital or be a GP. A doctor in a post such as clinical lecturer will also normally occupy a training grade post such as specialty registrar or GP registrar.

here is some BMA guidelines i dug out it's just amazing in this day and age with the information super highway NHS trusts just think they can fob you off with any old shit!
i still have not heard back from the NHS trust involved i think they have somthing to hide ;)http://www.bma.org.uk/patients_public/whos_who_healthcare/glossdoctors.jsp

i have not bloged in a few days i'm getting 8+ hours a night/day but i an finging i am falling asleep infront of the telly so going to bed then i'm wide awake! for a few hours then going back to bed.

monday

over the weekend i've had loads of sleep after the heat but i don't feel any better for this sleep and it is making my inattention worse.
i filled my sugar bowl and put the empty sugar bag back in the cupboard! this is nothing i have been known in the passed to put the coffee in the fridge.
although i have had alot of sleep i feel worse for it lathargic, fatgued, i did clean the dogs area out, bathed the dog cleaned the dogs bedding and thats about it so the dog is really happy :)

saturday

i have no specific hours for sleep i think i've had about 6-9 hours this heat is getting on my man boobs thats in to kips one from 1ish to about 4ish and then from around midnight to around 2am i woke up sweating and this heat is really making me feel fatigued :S

3-Disorganization: messiness: clutter

things get on top with respect to household chores. I know I don't want or need to live like this but I just don't know where to start to get this sorted out.

If I get something i.e. steamer, pressure washer, vacuum cleaner, lawn mower I get new toy syndrome but quickly lose enthusiasm

the house don't bother me so much as very few friends only come here outside my family I seldom open the curtains in my house because of the clutter and also due to a nocturnal wake pattern in general.

And most of my friends that come here I have known from primary school and they know me only too well and any change in me would probably be more of a shock to them than it would me.

4- difficulty making decisions

I am very indecisive but what really gets on my goat is people making decisions for me. Arranging my life for me behind my back.

Letting me know about things on the hop last minute.

5-Behavioural or verbal impulsiveness

well this is the reason I got probation on the last two occasions this was not for no reason. I steal sometimes on impulse the last time was off some guy I knew ripping my kids off he cost me a tenner on a stupid luck bag game so I stole another bag off him I was initially going to lay him out.

I'm used to disappointment my kids ain't.

I'm very verbally impulsive and tell it how it is and if people don't like what I say that is not my problem.

6- difficulty expressing thoughts in speech or writing

I'm not to sure about this but I'm Mr foresight I see things that are going to happen before they happen but I never get listened to. I have difficulty with my education in general as when I left school I could hardly write so basically I'm self taught.

7-significant periods of depression; low self esteem;

I used to mistake the inattentive parts of my condition as depression I was not until I got a real big bout of depression that I knew what unipolar really was this was caused by my dodgy local mental health team. About low self esteem I can't say this is the case what I may come across like is not what is going on inside again my inattention could be mistaken for low self esteem. My mirror neurons are not on form so again I may appear to be depressed.

8-A sense of failure; not living up to ones potential

I used to feel this a lot and what did not make things any better was having a moaning wife with whys “why don't you get a job”

but I know now things where not my fault I read a book called I'm not stupid, lazy, or crazy. And it literally made me see the light to the abuse I had of teachers, my peers.

But although I don't live in the passed I have an almost photographic memory of it but it is easy to forgive things people said and did as children as that was what we where children and I'm guessing I'm no innocent in this. But my teachers really where the pits not to even reckoning something was not right.

On the right treatment at the right level I'm sure I can go back to collage and get basic qualifications and find something that interests me to get a degree in

i'm just trying to chill in this heat listening to some george benson before hill street blues comes on :)

friday

sleep well to be honest i have not been to sleep yet as it in like a toast box in my gaff.

 i was going to go to a party tonight but i'm too knackered! and totally forgot i have ASDA dropping off the shopping.

a friend has advized me to write all the symptoms that apply to me down and write i little piece underneath the symptom so as it will take a month to get seen if i write a page or so a few symptoms a day i'm not doing things on the hop and it gives me time to think things through.

1- Easily distracted, forgetful, daydreaming.

I am easily distracted by things and lose my train of thought. But not so much that say I'm having a conversation something may pop in my head and I may go with that sometimes I can remember what I was talking about previously.

I'm always forgetting things not so much losing things but I have lost phones ect in the passed.

Say I'm going the doctors the most important thing will slip out of my head when I see him.

Or if I do shopping in person I always forget something I went in for and come out with more crap that I did not originally want.

I shop online as it is easier with the favourite items tool and cuts down on impulse buying of produce that half the time rots away in my fridge

And in generally daydream in the day but not always. I describe myself as living in zones.

In the day I'm like a old slow computer booting up. Back when I was at school the whole day was a day dream. I would do anything to get out of doing work snap the nib of my pencil ect just for a trip to the bin.

A few of my mothers cliques is say when are you going to “ “ I asked you to blah blah 10 times now already

in a minute!

Ya always say that but it never fooking happens! (my mams from up north) ”

cue self pity “ I'll do it me fooking self then”

me: well go fucking on then ( stressed and annoyed as the guilt trip never worked in the 1000's of other times she tried it on me you would think she would just give up)

2.procrastination, inability to complete things.

This is a major issue with me I spend most of the time away with my thoughts. As for inability to do things my house is a mess. My garden is a jungle there is DIY jobs that need doing all over the place there s loads of things I want to get done and need to get done.

I make a joke of my back garden being a mess that I live on blackberry's and nettle soup but I make a joke of everything.

But I got neighbours either side of me and they must hate me.

One of my mothers favourite cliques is “everything ya have out ya don't put back”

my mother does more work in my house in a few hours than I do in week but she puts things away I don't know where's they are then that causes me major stress

“one day you're going ta shift something after yaself and I'll die of fooking heart attack”

thursday

0800-1630

I was up all night doing my shopping list for delivery tomorrow.
i still ain't heard from anyone i want to know what personality disorder i have and what drugs caused it? :D
i think my letter was like giving them a "NICE" cup of shut the F*** up :D

Dr S from the start!

this is a true likeness of a Dr S again i can't say his real name for legal reasons :D he did look and act like a pakistani version of kermit the frog!

to be brutally honest when i saw Dr S i thought there was a possiblity i could have bipolar with the mood swings ect! and at first he told me that he would put me on lithium a perfectly harmless drug a natural salt. i'm very astute to what go's into my body and it appeared Dr S was talking bull shit! i found out lithium one of it's major side effects was Epilepsy! i had a history of epilepsy and as a child i went into status epilepticus so i had an appointment with my neurologist and told her i was not overly happy with going on lithium. so she wrote to Dr S and told him i will not be medicated on anything that is likly to make my epilepsy worse! so i had an appointment with this guy and he wanted to put me into the local mental health hospital for one week just for observation. this ended up as two weeks every time i tried to leave the hospital i was refused and i was not sectioned under the mental health act; so this boils down to false imprisonment, kidnap, holding me against my will!

at the hospital i met the biggest bunch of nut jobs i have ever met in my life and why the NHS employed them is beyond  me! i seen things maybe i should'nt have was dr s's summing up at my care plan meeting!

whilst at the hospital i was up at 3am and wanted a cigerette on the way to the smoking room i was apprehended my a nurse s (for leagal reasons) she asked where i was going i said for a fag! she said no you not, you're on speed i laughed at her! i wanted a cigerette i was denied does this not breach my human rights! bare i'm mind this was the week of my kidnapping! i was made to wee in a sample bottle. i did but then got accused of running it under the tap my wee was clear but it was urine i was on a drug called deprakote at the time and thats why my wee was clear!

and after an arguement with nurse S she told me the lab would tell if it's urine or not? so where is my appology?

on my last day at the hospital i was denied food, medication, or even water, again human rights issues, then i had a taliban style interrorgation off doctor s i'm talking in a room with a partition for 7+ hours! after he asked me numours times if i had delusion of grandure. i kept telling him no he said i'm going to play devils advocate if you say you are having delusions of grandure i will get you probation! or what this is otherwise known as pervert the course of justice! a criminal offence!

DR J

this is a true likeness of a Dr J a man i can't name yet for legal reasons! and look he's been cream pied in the face! no doubt by some rent boy!
i did warn him if he screws me over to see what happens?
he said "was that a threat"
my reply was yeah :D
this F***er better stay right out of my way i'm a man of my word.
you can't say to me look phil violence won't solve anything and you'll end up in prison! i got f***ing uncontrolled ADHD prison makes life easier for me :)
this little c*** was patronising me after i told him two of my children had ADHD by asking if i had a bump to my head!
well if i ever get hold of this nob we will do a little experiment and see if a good crack to the f***ing head can produce symptoms in him anything like mine :D

yet more reports :)

more school reports ;)

more school reports :)

wednesday

0530-130 ish

tuesday

sleep 0530-1200ish

it appears my GP's been very leaniant with the truth :/

this one goes out to the NHS and the probation services

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRSwjhYmAY4

if this works this is my eldest that ain't Dx'ed

rtsp://v7.cache3.c.youtube.com/CjcLENy73wIaLgkfHzRXC7of2xMYESARFEIGbXYtcmltSARSCW15X3ZpZGVvc2Dyw8nJsLzO_U0M/0/0/0/video.3gp



sorry peeps this can only be viewed off a phone or if you have a g3 converter!

school reports

Monday

sleep 2200-0400
i need to get my perscription today and as i'm down there see if i can see my G.P i have requested a copy of mennons report but who knows how much that will change now nice has been mentioned theres somthing in that report that has my G.P worried!
i'm trying to get some videos up loaded too they say theres nothing physical to prove ADHD just because only two of my children have been diagnosed don't mean to say my other two children ain't got it and it's all in the eyes and the medical profession look upon you as some sort of dick when this is mentioned. but you can judge for yourseves :D
i cant believe they have told me to get the public service ombusman in thats the last thing really they want me to do but saying that the probation board was taking the piss and would not help me out they can FOB me off all they like but they won't Fob off the PSO and i will get the information i need of the probation service through him.
but that would raise more questions to get answered like was information passed on about my treatment at a certain hospital passed on to the police to investigate?
and sheds light on breaches the DDA (disability discriminations act)

if combined ADHD DON'T Exist why is it the most comon sub type

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder/Pages/Symptoms.aspx

ASPIE TEST RESULTS!

SEE ME SMILEING?

As you can see i don't look happy in any of my photos

even with a puppy and an ice cream this is due to mirror neurons not working theres a load of mental illnesses that can effect the mirror neurons but it is common in the autistic spectrum and ADHD shares the same genetics as Autism and ADHD and autism are linked my daughter has both ADHD and ASD!

it is posible I have aspergers and my ASPIE test results come back as I am likly to have aspergers but going off the not being able to reconise verbal cues ect in extreamly good at and i live in clutter and disorganisation and i have no intrest in meleculur structure ect! bit people say i'm like the rain man (dustin hoffman) i'll take this as a complement i think :)

NICE GUIDELINES

http://www.nice.org.uk/nicemedia/live/12061/42065/42065.pdf



As you can see for you're self I must see a Specialist not any grade training doctor. as I have never met Dr Jawad in my life he has no say in the matter he did not even turn up for his appointment with me.

i'm awaiting hearing from him with answers to my questions!

Stoopid NHS :D

sat

sleep 1100-1900
busy day today i have to dig out all my school photos and send them via email to shut someone up :)

Friday

Sleep 0700-1500
sorry I missed a day my head was to mashed to blog after writing letters.
I got a letter of some OBE woman stating that the doctor i consulted alone with was a senior grade training doctor!
her name was doctor menon as she has now left the NHS there is nothing they can do about my complaint.
miss menon supervisor a Dr S Jawad his backing her up all the way, nice guidlines say i must see someone who specialises in the treatment of adult ADHD.
I wrote back to them asking to get doctor Jawad to write to me himself as he claims to have consulted with her before coming to the conclusion that i had a personality disorder caused through drug abuse and i know she told me on the day so unless he is telepathic he is talking through his arsehole.
i have asked him-
1, what type of personality disorder do i have? as there are many.
2, to confirm that combined ADHD does not exist.
3 that in order to have adult ADHD i must have sleep problems as a child
4 what drug caused this personality disorder?
5 when did i take it?
6 how many mg did i take of this drug i abused.

i'm in two minds to go to the press so what it is a trining hospital so that gives them the rights to let students loose unsupervised on the public there is more questions here than answers?
are heart units letting students do bypasses unsupervised? :o

wednesday!

sleep 00.00-10.00

Tuesday!

Sleep 20.30-02.30
oh well trying to keep awake for a good sleep wake routine did not pay off and i will feel knackered all day now!
and i got things to do namely sort my perscription out.
i have not heard anything about my complaint in the letter i recieved of them it states "we will normally let you have a reply within 30 working days of recieving you're concern. this means that you should expect a reply from us by the 27th of july 2011 if we are unable to respond within this time or if further investigation is required, we will let you know."
they are cutting this fine!

sunday!

Sleep 600-1400.
oh well 3 days to go before nothing happens :) just call me psychic!

Sat!

Sleep 03.30-12.30!

just 4 days until I get the verdict off the NHS but that ain't going to happen :)

Friday

sleep : 700-1300

I saw Ashton my youngest today my mother brought him up!
he is definitely showing signs of ADHD like the others it's shows in the eyes! I noticed his eyes his pupils where enlarged and he started jumping on my sofa then totally zoned into watching the telly!

Thursday!

sleep 1300-1800 GMT!
things are not doing well with respect to getting my floor done i have started but have broke a mop in the process this is getting to be an occurance! it's not like i use my mop alot there is no milage :)
its these super mops i like them in tearms that the height can be ajusted but the grabber for the mop head always breaks on them you know the type i mean now!
i'm after a mop with butter flies now with a shaft of at least 5' high :)

My personality disorder diagnoses caused through drug abuse?

I explained to the local mental health team that there  was a possibility that i had ADHD! also sleep apneoa but there is no point in sending me to the ADHD expert until i've been to the sleep clinic!

but they never listen to me!

i was ment to see a Dr Jawad at the Cardiff links centre but this did not happen i saw this Dr Menon and because i answered her back questioned her!
she pulled a "personality disorder caused by drug abuse" out of her arse!
she told me there was no such thing as combined type ADHD and only knew two types of ADHD one of which was ADD?
i did not have school reports at that time but some turned up so i sent them in with my complaint against her! :)

My Cyclothimia diagnosis :)

After looking into bipolar disorder i knew i did not have it! so i explaned what had been going on with my local mental health team ect; and asked to be refered to a neuropsychiatrist as there could be a chance that i may have I.D.D a condition found in epilepsy!
at my meeting with Dr Mensah he gave me a prolonged smile and i homed right in on it as it was so fake!
this fake smile is testing mirror neurons! :)

cyclothymia is just a label not a condition alot of people are confused about this label.

you will get this label if:

you do not meet the diagnostic critera for bipolar 1 or 2!
you have taken a class A drug within 2 years of diagnosis!
cyclothymia means mood changes in cycles and in some cases it can progress into bipolar disorder! but there is no diagnostic criteria for cyclothymia!
no list of symptoms!
in the usa it is dubbed bipolar 3 in the uk it means nothing!
what it is if you see a doctor he wont say look i don't know wtf is wrong with you? :)
so this doctor did do the right thing i did take class A drugs within 2 years of that diagnosis! so i don't have a problem with this Dr or the diagnosis at all.

Dr Septh Mensah told me that Epilepsy does not have a kindling effect! i told him in my case it had!
apart from that dissagreement he's alright.
but it has been many years since i had seen him and in that time-
my son and daughter have been diagnosed with ADHD!
I was shocked when my son lewis was diagnosed with ADHD as he shared alot of my triats!
i had to ask his shrink as i had a overload both my son and daughter getting an ADHD diagnoses i asked my sons shrink if adults could have adhd?
to my total shock and suprise he said yes! he also said and in adults it is mistaken for hypomania alot.
thats got me where i am now i know i got AADHD!
but what is bugging me alot is my Epilepsy having a kindling effect?
i have a theory for this that it is linked in with my sleep apneoa but as there is no way this can be really proved thats all it is a theory :)

My bipolar diagnosis!

i was diagnosed as having bipolar disorder but did not meet the criteria for bipolar!
as my medication was stabilizing my bipolar!
because it's total crap because if i was to say anything about my treatment the treatment of others it can all be put down to me having delusions :)

the medication that was stablising my bipolar disorder was neurontine gabapentine!
it has been taken off the market as a bipolar mood stabilizer but i still take it to treat Epilepsy!
basically the makers of neurontin where sued as it does not work as a bipolar mood stabilizer.

wednesday!

sleep 6AM- 2PM!
I got a gut feeling that I'm not going to hear anything from the NHS within the week time frame they have left.

Tuesday afternoon!

sleep 5ish AM-1ish PM
Another generally unproductive day! orange cut me off! so they can rebate me the money  i originally paid or they can stick there contracts right up their arses :)

monday morning!

Sleep 5ish Am- 12Pm

In under 10 days i will know the findings of my complaint with the NHS!
before a week Wednesday!
Orange have sent me another bill :)

Sunday!

Sleep going on for 4am-1pm!
last night I felt shattered I was going to watch a film lock stock and two smoking barrels but I've seen it before so i watched top of the pops 64-75!
i had my shopping come yesterday so did'nt get much done i have cracked the draw on my freezer with ramming it shut overloaded :o
this was no act of rage i over shopped :) and i did get the draw closed only cracked it in the process :S

I can feel a headache coming on :S

Sleep: 3ish-11ish AM

Nextdoor is driving me nuts with the constant building work he does he is constantly drilling masonary on hammer action this has been going on for ages how he got walls left I will never know!

I'm just hoping his his house implodes for some peace :)
well after an unproductive day yesterday i'm hoping to get something done today. my shopping is due for delivery between 6-8pm!

Dyslexia!

It turns out I have dyslexia something quite common in ADHD this was not discovered in school but in my 30's by the probation service!
but as I am not on a probation order they are not going to share any information!

I'm truely not that much bothered by this as if and when this gets to trial by jury I will get all concerned summons to court to testify :)
they had a choice they could easily have shared some information to help me out to the right diagnosis but they made the choice not to!
so it's down to them either to lie on oath or look complete muppets when my solicitor has a go at them when they are in the dock! :)

thank crunchie its friday!

Sleep- 2ish AM-11AM.
I had a lay in this morning but I can't say I feel refreshed! I did not get much done yesterday I had to go to the bank! and yes Orange did cash the cheque I sent them, then I had to sort my shopping out! I really need a faster pc and faster connection :) but that will have to go on my wish list!

Today i'm going to try my best to get the floor done! and I will have to rewash the clothes I totally forgot about in the washer!

mission partly completed

SLEEP 4ish AM -12 PM!
I did get somthing done a load of washing/drying, my moutain of washing up, I partly mopped my floor  well the dogs area!
the rest of the floor is cluttered with tools I have had out and ain't put back, this that and the other problem is clutter!
this gets out of hand with perfectionist tendancies! yes i did say perfectionist tendances say when I do the washing up there will not be so much of a tea stain in a cup they leave my sink in the same condition as they left the shop!
But I need to get to the bank before it shuts! :)

Sleep!

Sleep is vary important to funtioning if i don't get good sleep I don't function at all well! today I slept from 4ish AM to 11ish AM.
sleep can be an important factor in diagnoses. so I will incorperate my sleep into this blog for future referance :)
nothing much really to say today I want to get my floor cleaned, I have to sort out the mountain of dishes in the sink first! I will do some washing and drying in the process! (this sounds like a plan)
I got to phone orange too! they are on my back because they seem to think I did not pay my last bill but I know I sent them a cheque as the day I sent the cheque was the day I put my complaint in with the NHS and I've heard back from them to say they are looking into my complaint!
I got to go to the bank tomorrow any how so I will see if the cheques been cashed when I phone call centres I always get an Indian call centre and the majority of the coversation is me saying WHAT????
the reason I sent the cheque was to stall so I remained in the black with the bank so no overdraft fees :)
orange can suck eggs this is just a glitch I can send them another cheque not a problem the bank or catalogue is a diffrent matter they charge me fees :(

School days!

know when you are at infant school theres always the bitch teacher that everybody hates well mrs davis was the one all the kids dreaded going to her class!
one of my childhood memory's was getting that bitch shouting me i was ill the year before going to her class and had missed alot of school i remember she kicked off at me bigtime for doing absolutly no work in a whole year!
this is not entirely true as i did do the dot to dot at the back of my maths book!
she ripped into me big style but is this my fault! if she was any good at her job she would have clocked i was procastinating in her class a whole lot sooner.
my memory is pretty good from childhood i remember the cow sticker on my peg.
I remember being in the head mistresses office with my mother where mrs reece was convincing my mother there was no need to send me to a special school but now I think if i had of gone to a special school things may have turned out diffrent.
it is possible I could have had high functioning autism like aspergers but i am good at reading facial expressions. i don't take things so liturally.
but if something intrests me then i can become focused on the subject.
the photo's i have from school i'm never smiling this could be because i hated the place! or it could be that I have a problem with my mirror neurons this is found in ASD and genetically ASD and ADHD share the same genetics!
the two childhood illnesses i had was The Mumps and Status Epilepticus both of which could have triggered the ADHD off! in my school photo in the 1st class Mrs George i'm smiling.
this may not seem like much now but trust there is alot more to post and re edit to this and when all the pieces come together you can judge for youself :)

when I was about 13ish I had to see an educational psycologist this was because i put shame on the school getting caught by the local paper and was under the heading snapped in the act! my mother had the paper I recall her saying is this you showing me the paper and i claimed it was sombody else and tried not to make a big deal of it! :)
so i see this shrink his first question to me Why do you truent?
I could not say at the time well doc I have a complex condition that effect my mood and behaviour yadda yadda ya!
what i said was because i want to :)
and that was that end of session i went home :)
i was on the detention list for over a year the other kids would start to snigger when my name was called out in assembly on the detention list I only ever recall doing one detention at the school and that was because I ment to call mr davis mr but it came out as dopey in the front of the class so!
and i remember a mate of mine had detention and he feared his math teacher wanted to bum him so i had to pretend i was his cousin :)
i recall an occasion with a head mistress a Mrs Pugh she gave me a compact pen and pencil to get me on the compact scheme!
which i gladly accepted before jumping the fence ;)
like bribary was going to keep me in school!
i remember we was watching a play put on for the school and some drag act sat on my wood work teacher Mr cosgroves lap and i blurted soming out probally along the lines of him having wood, a stiffy, a boner, a hard on i recall i had to watch the rest of the play sat next to him.

phil's first ever post!!! :O

Hello peeps,
This is my first ever attempt at blogging :D
what is going on in my life at this moment in time well I'm tired, really tired and I've been getting the sleep faries in making a right mess of my bed :)
I'm on a waiting list to go to a sleep clinic but no actual date has been confirmed as yet!

This obstructive sleep Apneoa well it could kill me in my sleep but then I may feel rested :)

But this constant feeling of tiredness is a blessing and a curse-

*A blessing in the respect that being tired is counter acting on the implusive nature of my ADHD and that is right I did say ADHD! ADHD is the primary cause of my sleep disorder! the best thing about this extream tiredness is I'm in the black with the bank :)

*A curse in the way of I have combined ADHD all my life since I was a child I was "spaced" in the day and came to life a bit as soon as I got out of school in adult life everyday is like a constant battle trying to get on top of things most people just take for granted! nothing is getting done my gardens a jungle blah blah blah.
an old friend that I have known since we was Pups pointed out in the time I spend on facebook ect;
I could have got my garden done!
He does not understand that the only way I am going to get on top of things is with medication this is in my DNA!
there is a list of things I really want to get done but theres that old saying if I want with the one hand and shit in the other I know which would get full first :)
I'm going to try and keep this blog going and post everyday because maybe people would empathise and it could change there views and maybe it would be a change for the better and people my start to be less biggoted in there opinions (I have a dream) :D