saturday

i have no specific hours for sleep i think i've had about 6-9 hours this heat is getting on my man boobs thats in to kips one from 1ish to about 4ish and then from around midnight to around 2am i woke up sweating and this heat is really making me feel fatigued :S

3-Disorganization: messiness: clutter

things get on top with respect to household chores. I know I don't want or need to live like this but I just don't know where to start to get this sorted out.

If I get something i.e. steamer, pressure washer, vacuum cleaner, lawn mower I get new toy syndrome but quickly lose enthusiasm

the house don't bother me so much as very few friends only come here outside my family I seldom open the curtains in my house because of the clutter and also due to a nocturnal wake pattern in general.

And most of my friends that come here I have known from primary school and they know me only too well and any change in me would probably be more of a shock to them than it would me.

4- difficulty making decisions

I am very indecisive but what really gets on my goat is people making decisions for me. Arranging my life for me behind my back.

Letting me know about things on the hop last minute.

5-Behavioural or verbal impulsiveness

well this is the reason I got probation on the last two occasions this was not for no reason. I steal sometimes on impulse the last time was off some guy I knew ripping my kids off he cost me a tenner on a stupid luck bag game so I stole another bag off him I was initially going to lay him out.

I'm used to disappointment my kids ain't.

I'm very verbally impulsive and tell it how it is and if people don't like what I say that is not my problem.

6- difficulty expressing thoughts in speech or writing

I'm not to sure about this but I'm Mr foresight I see things that are going to happen before they happen but I never get listened to. I have difficulty with my education in general as when I left school I could hardly write so basically I'm self taught.

7-significant periods of depression; low self esteem;

I used to mistake the inattentive parts of my condition as depression I was not until I got a real big bout of depression that I knew what unipolar really was this was caused by my dodgy local mental health team. About low self esteem I can't say this is the case what I may come across like is not what is going on inside again my inattention could be mistaken for low self esteem. My mirror neurons are not on form so again I may appear to be depressed.

8-A sense of failure; not living up to ones potential

I used to feel this a lot and what did not make things any better was having a moaning wife with whys “why don't you get a job”

but I know now things where not my fault I read a book called I'm not stupid, lazy, or crazy. And it literally made me see the light to the abuse I had of teachers, my peers.

But although I don't live in the passed I have an almost photographic memory of it but it is easy to forgive things people said and did as children as that was what we where children and I'm guessing I'm no innocent in this. But my teachers really where the pits not to even reckoning something was not right.

On the right treatment at the right level I'm sure I can go back to collage and get basic qualifications and find something that interests me to get a degree in

i'm just trying to chill in this heat listening to some george benson before hill street blues comes on :)