thursday

well i ain't posted for a few days my sleeps been pretty "normal" if you put normal to the average joe that ain't on night shifts :)

                                                I just wan't to write about hypofocus!
                                      

i'm experancing what is known as hyperfoucus in the ASD but not on the same scale so the medical term for it would not even be called hyperfocus this what i experiance in "zones" would be deemed as hypofocus! ;D

but i cant even explain this to folks with ADHD as they think it is all types of things ranging as what I would call a normal zone, to innattention?

i read a good book about ADHD it was called i'm not stupid lazy or crazy!!!

this book really spoke to me! and i can empathise with others that there is zones of inattention i have them myself basically confusion, misunderstanding, misinterpratation,
i did have some foresight and show a video of recollision of a phone book from the rainman film but it showed the toothpick incident i did explain that it was not the toothpick i was showing them.
and some take things in better via visual discriptions!
some would claim this is hyperfocus?
some with ADHD would not be able to read text or even comprehend what you are even writting, others would not get this zone as they have never experanced it!
i can't really say i have properly experianced hyperactivity in the true sense of the word! folks may mop there floor, do the dishes, and bung a load in the wash remember it's there chuck it in the dryer and not forget about it to go smelly! this is what i put down to a normal "zone" a little window of oppertunity to get things done!
hyperactivity is judged by the common or garden man so as the common man would work until say 5:30 plonk his arse on the sofa knackered my have a kip may chill out and watch some telly wind down chill out!
the hyperactive model would finish work and be up for a rave!

i here discriptions of ADHD like it's a constant noise in you're head i do not get this anralargy?

i don't hear no noise in my head?

i just live in zones i can't dictate if i could choose the zone i would have no problem but it ain't up to me :(

i know my zones!

the thing is books are published these books are not wrote by adhd'ers (even though some claim they are) they are written by people that want to cash in on selling a concept?

an ADHD'er-
 can be a top student in class!
can pass exams!
can go to uni!
can get a degree!

totally unmedicated

but is this type of ADHD'er in the same hypofocus realm i experance in "zones"?

what i'm talking about is the ability to store and recall like when i'm in the zone i could either take in information or spout out information like i was an egghead! :)

or having a conversation be wax lyrical coherant multi task take in what people are saying.

not going eeeeeerrrrrrrrmmmm nah it's gone.

there is no key to ADHD it does not speak with a universal voice and this causes confusion.

then this will cause stupid petty and needless squabbles?

then you get people saying this means this, that means that throw up a load of links and crap information!

but nothings going to change the core symptoms of my ADHD well maybe drugs but i will approch that with an open mind?

ok thats what the man in the white jacket say's?

so what do you say..........?

ADHD inattentive type has no logic things don't compute

so instead of working this out it is a nodding dog scenario! or as i'm in wales sheep if you like! or the domino effect what ever you wan't to call it?

monday

sleep 21-00 - 03-30 hr

i got a busy day today firstly i must pic up my perscription!

then try and sort an appointment with a vets! i should really book myself into the vets they may be able to diagnose me :D

sunday the 14th

my blog dates are all over the place i've only just noticed the times don't tally and i ain't a day forwards so i hope i've sorted it :)
i've had over 12 hours sleep nothing is getting done and i forgot to put the wheelie bin out and my bin is full but i'm sure my general waste bin gets empty'd this week?
but i'm not sure what day?
i've only lived here for years :D

the probation service letter

the probation service hold information that is key to helping me get a proper diagnosis will they part with this information? well thats up to them if they want me back on an order that can be arranged easy just by breaching the data protection act they made me sign. llllloooooooooooooolllll :D

saturday

Senior doctorsThe terms 'senior' and 'junior' in the medical profession indicate whether or not the doctor concerned is still in training. Senior doctors have many titles. The two most familiar are consultant and GP. There are others, however, including: staff doctors, specialty doctor, associate specialist, trust doctor, hospital practitioner, clinical assistant and clinical medical officer. These other titles are often grouped together and called staff and associate specialists ('SAS' doctors).


Consultants and general practitioners are allowed to practise independently (ie without supervision), and are considered to be fully trained, although all doctors are required to pursue continuing professional development (CPD) throughout their careers. Before a doctor can become a consultant or general practitioner they need to be listed on the GMC's specialist register for hospital and other specialists, or the GP register for GPs. Consultants are responsible for the education and supervision of junior doctors, and for the supervision of SAS doctors.

SAS doctors are an experienced group of hospital doctors who have spent some time as junior doctors but most of them have not completed all of the specialist training in the UK needed to be registered on the GMC's specialist register. Some SAS doctors do however achieve specialist registration by having their qualifications and experience assessed by the PMETB, and for personal reasons remain practising as SAS doctors rather than taking up consultant posts.
Academic doctorsAcademic or clinical academic doctors teach or conduct research at universities. In many cases, academic doctors combine their academic work with practice as clinicians. Academic doctors are responsible for teaching new generations of doctors and undertaking research in order to take forward the science of medicine. Common job titles for academic doctors are: clinical academic fellow, clinical lecturer, clinical research fellow, lecturer, senior lecturer, professor or reader. Academics who are professors, readers or senior lecturers will normally have a clinical contract at a hospital or be a GP. A doctor in a post such as clinical lecturer will also normally occupy a training grade post such as specialty registrar or GP registrar.

here is some BMA guidelines i dug out it's just amazing in this day and age with the information super highway NHS trusts just think they can fob you off with any old shit!
i still have not heard back from the NHS trust involved i think they have somthing to hide ;)http://www.bma.org.uk/patients_public/whos_who_healthcare/glossdoctors.jsp

i have not bloged in a few days i'm getting 8+ hours a night/day but i an finging i am falling asleep infront of the telly so going to bed then i'm wide awake! for a few hours then going back to bed.

monday

over the weekend i've had loads of sleep after the heat but i don't feel any better for this sleep and it is making my inattention worse.
i filled my sugar bowl and put the empty sugar bag back in the cupboard! this is nothing i have been known in the passed to put the coffee in the fridge.
although i have had alot of sleep i feel worse for it lathargic, fatgued, i did clean the dogs area out, bathed the dog cleaned the dogs bedding and thats about it so the dog is really happy :)

saturday

i have no specific hours for sleep i think i've had about 6-9 hours this heat is getting on my man boobs thats in to kips one from 1ish to about 4ish and then from around midnight to around 2am i woke up sweating and this heat is really making me feel fatigued :S

3-Disorganization: messiness: clutter

things get on top with respect to household chores. I know I don't want or need to live like this but I just don't know where to start to get this sorted out.

If I get something i.e. steamer, pressure washer, vacuum cleaner, lawn mower I get new toy syndrome but quickly lose enthusiasm

the house don't bother me so much as very few friends only come here outside my family I seldom open the curtains in my house because of the clutter and also due to a nocturnal wake pattern in general.

And most of my friends that come here I have known from primary school and they know me only too well and any change in me would probably be more of a shock to them than it would me.

4- difficulty making decisions

I am very indecisive but what really gets on my goat is people making decisions for me. Arranging my life for me behind my back.

Letting me know about things on the hop last minute.

5-Behavioural or verbal impulsiveness

well this is the reason I got probation on the last two occasions this was not for no reason. I steal sometimes on impulse the last time was off some guy I knew ripping my kids off he cost me a tenner on a stupid luck bag game so I stole another bag off him I was initially going to lay him out.

I'm used to disappointment my kids ain't.

I'm very verbally impulsive and tell it how it is and if people don't like what I say that is not my problem.

6- difficulty expressing thoughts in speech or writing

I'm not to sure about this but I'm Mr foresight I see things that are going to happen before they happen but I never get listened to. I have difficulty with my education in general as when I left school I could hardly write so basically I'm self taught.

7-significant periods of depression; low self esteem;

I used to mistake the inattentive parts of my condition as depression I was not until I got a real big bout of depression that I knew what unipolar really was this was caused by my dodgy local mental health team. About low self esteem I can't say this is the case what I may come across like is not what is going on inside again my inattention could be mistaken for low self esteem. My mirror neurons are not on form so again I may appear to be depressed.

8-A sense of failure; not living up to ones potential

I used to feel this a lot and what did not make things any better was having a moaning wife with whys “why don't you get a job”

but I know now things where not my fault I read a book called I'm not stupid, lazy, or crazy. And it literally made me see the light to the abuse I had of teachers, my peers.

But although I don't live in the passed I have an almost photographic memory of it but it is easy to forgive things people said and did as children as that was what we where children and I'm guessing I'm no innocent in this. But my teachers really where the pits not to even reckoning something was not right.

On the right treatment at the right level I'm sure I can go back to collage and get basic qualifications and find something that interests me to get a degree in

i'm just trying to chill in this heat listening to some george benson before hill street blues comes on :)

friday

sleep well to be honest i have not been to sleep yet as it in like a toast box in my gaff.

 i was going to go to a party tonight but i'm too knackered! and totally forgot i have ASDA dropping off the shopping.

a friend has advized me to write all the symptoms that apply to me down and write i little piece underneath the symptom so as it will take a month to get seen if i write a page or so a few symptoms a day i'm not doing things on the hop and it gives me time to think things through.

1- Easily distracted, forgetful, daydreaming.

I am easily distracted by things and lose my train of thought. But not so much that say I'm having a conversation something may pop in my head and I may go with that sometimes I can remember what I was talking about previously.

I'm always forgetting things not so much losing things but I have lost phones ect in the passed.

Say I'm going the doctors the most important thing will slip out of my head when I see him.

Or if I do shopping in person I always forget something I went in for and come out with more crap that I did not originally want.

I shop online as it is easier with the favourite items tool and cuts down on impulse buying of produce that half the time rots away in my fridge

And in generally daydream in the day but not always. I describe myself as living in zones.

In the day I'm like a old slow computer booting up. Back when I was at school the whole day was a day dream. I would do anything to get out of doing work snap the nib of my pencil ect just for a trip to the bin.

A few of my mothers cliques is say when are you going to “ “ I asked you to blah blah 10 times now already

in a minute!

Ya always say that but it never fooking happens! (my mams from up north) ”

cue self pity “ I'll do it me fooking self then”

me: well go fucking on then ( stressed and annoyed as the guilt trip never worked in the 1000's of other times she tried it on me you would think she would just give up)

2.procrastination, inability to complete things.

This is a major issue with me I spend most of the time away with my thoughts. As for inability to do things my house is a mess. My garden is a jungle there is DIY jobs that need doing all over the place there s loads of things I want to get done and need to get done.

I make a joke of my back garden being a mess that I live on blackberry's and nettle soup but I make a joke of everything.

But I got neighbours either side of me and they must hate me.

One of my mothers favourite cliques is “everything ya have out ya don't put back”

my mother does more work in my house in a few hours than I do in week but she puts things away I don't know where's they are then that causes me major stress

“one day you're going ta shift something after yaself and I'll die of fooking heart attack”

thursday

0800-1630

I was up all night doing my shopping list for delivery tomorrow.
i still ain't heard from anyone i want to know what personality disorder i have and what drugs caused it? :D
i think my letter was like giving them a "NICE" cup of shut the F*** up :D

Dr S from the start!

this is a true likeness of a Dr S again i can't say his real name for legal reasons :D he did look and act like a pakistani version of kermit the frog!

to be brutally honest when i saw Dr S i thought there was a possiblity i could have bipolar with the mood swings ect! and at first he told me that he would put me on lithium a perfectly harmless drug a natural salt. i'm very astute to what go's into my body and it appeared Dr S was talking bull shit! i found out lithium one of it's major side effects was Epilepsy! i had a history of epilepsy and as a child i went into status epilepticus so i had an appointment with my neurologist and told her i was not overly happy with going on lithium. so she wrote to Dr S and told him i will not be medicated on anything that is likly to make my epilepsy worse! so i had an appointment with this guy and he wanted to put me into the local mental health hospital for one week just for observation. this ended up as two weeks every time i tried to leave the hospital i was refused and i was not sectioned under the mental health act; so this boils down to false imprisonment, kidnap, holding me against my will!

at the hospital i met the biggest bunch of nut jobs i have ever met in my life and why the NHS employed them is beyond  me! i seen things maybe i should'nt have was dr s's summing up at my care plan meeting!

whilst at the hospital i was up at 3am and wanted a cigerette on the way to the smoking room i was apprehended my a nurse s (for leagal reasons) she asked where i was going i said for a fag! she said no you not, you're on speed i laughed at her! i wanted a cigerette i was denied does this not breach my human rights! bare i'm mind this was the week of my kidnapping! i was made to wee in a sample bottle. i did but then got accused of running it under the tap my wee was clear but it was urine i was on a drug called deprakote at the time and thats why my wee was clear!

and after an arguement with nurse S she told me the lab would tell if it's urine or not? so where is my appology?

on my last day at the hospital i was denied food, medication, or even water, again human rights issues, then i had a taliban style interrorgation off doctor s i'm talking in a room with a partition for 7+ hours! after he asked me numours times if i had delusion of grandure. i kept telling him no he said i'm going to play devils advocate if you say you are having delusions of grandure i will get you probation! or what this is otherwise known as pervert the course of justice! a criminal offence!

DR J

this is a true likeness of a Dr J a man i can't name yet for legal reasons! and look he's been cream pied in the face! no doubt by some rent boy!
i did warn him if he screws me over to see what happens?
he said "was that a threat"
my reply was yeah :D
this F***er better stay right out of my way i'm a man of my word.
you can't say to me look phil violence won't solve anything and you'll end up in prison! i got f***ing uncontrolled ADHD prison makes life easier for me :)
this little c*** was patronising me after i told him two of my children had ADHD by asking if i had a bump to my head!
well if i ever get hold of this nob we will do a little experiment and see if a good crack to the f***ing head can produce symptoms in him anything like mine :D

yet more reports :)

more school reports ;)

more school reports :)

wednesday

0530-130 ish

tuesday

sleep 0530-1200ish

it appears my GP's been very leaniant with the truth :/

this one goes out to the NHS and the probation services

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRSwjhYmAY4

if this works this is my eldest that ain't Dx'ed

rtsp://v7.cache3.c.youtube.com/CjcLENy73wIaLgkfHzRXC7of2xMYESARFEIGbXYtcmltSARSCW15X3ZpZGVvc2Dyw8nJsLzO_U0M/0/0/0/video.3gp



sorry peeps this can only be viewed off a phone or if you have a g3 converter!

school reports